Forgotten Films: Oversexed Rugsuckers From Mars (1989)
This is the 74th in my series of Forgotten Obscure or Neglected Films
I was in Tulsa, helping my friend Richard with cleaning up his dead wife’s estate. We had gone to dinner and had stopped into a Books-A-Million. While perusing the clearance bins I came across this gem. I looked at the title. OK, funny maybe. I saw the blurbs. Video Hound said “This film definitely doesn’t suck!” Cute. But it was the Joe Bob Briggs quote “This story has it all – Sex, Violence, and Major Household Appliances! 3 Stars!”
I know Joe Bob’s standards. I followed his reviews from when they first began to appear in the Dallas Times Herald. I was an entrant in a Joe Bob Briggs lookalike contest that year. I attended the 1st and 3rd annual Drive In Film Festivals (there was no 2nd). I met up with Steven King at one, along with most of the cast of TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE. I was even on Joe Bob’s panel of Drive In Film Experts, reviewing science fiction and fantasy films for about a year. So I had some expectations.
Friends, I have seen this film, so you do not have to. I have seen most of the films in the original Golden Turkey list and they are all universally better than this waste of film and time.
Your basic premise is that Martians created the human race and left it alone. Returning 10 million years later, they are disgusted and decide to cross a human with a vacuum cleaner, so it can clean up after itself. One wino falls in love with the vacuum cleaner and has carnal relations with it. This erotic appliance is taken home by Tom to his bitchy wife. It promptly kills her. Tom is relieved as he is stalking his neighbor, Rena, on whom he spies while she exercises or performs nude leg shaving. He disables her car so he can talk to her and take her to work. She is later raped by the vacuum.
This brings in the cops who decide that he must have killed his wife. Meanwhile the wino tries to find the appliance and he and it lead the police on a merry chase. The police are led by a sheep lover doing a bad Bogart imitation.
So you have to decide, who is the “hero” of the story – the wino with an erotic appliance fixation; the stalking neighbor; the dead bitchy wife; the slutty neighbor; her useless New Age boyfriend (I couldn’t even mention him before); or the Sheep loving detective (his license plate is ILUVEWE). I did not like any of them.
Stop motion effects are third grade level in the better scenes and kindergarten in others. Special effects budget must have been $1.25. I think they had some left over. Music was worse than awful. Sound was terrible. Plot was lost and found and then lost three or four more times without being found. Logic did not enter into anything here. Eighty seven minutes have been lost from my life.
Names have been omitted to protect you from knowing them.
For really interesting times, read the Amazon reviews. Five people gave this film (and I use that term loosely) 5 stars while 1 gave it 1 star. I think the 1 star is too high. IMDB shows a rating of 2.7 (out of 10). Way over rated!
I really disliked this film. Please do not rent or view it. You have been warned!
Series organizer Todd Mason hosts more Tuesday Forgotten Film reviews at his own blog and posts a complete list of participating blogs.