Dismember the Alamo!Dismember the Alamo!

We apologize profusely for the shoddy nature of this photo illustration.

The upcoming end-of-the-world flick 2012 destroys the massive Christ the Redeemer statue in Rio de Janeiro, along with scads of other world landmarks. In THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW, the Statue of Liberty is bashed with a 50’ tidal wave. And INDEPENDENCE DAY drew cheers from theater audiences everywhere when alien ships blew up the White House.

Look, we’re all for wanton, big-budget property destruction, but when’s Texas going to get its due?

As longtime San Antonians, we here at MISSIONS UNKNOWN have to say we’re downright disappointed that the Alamo – aka The Shrine of Texas Liberty — has yet to be blown up, crushed by a meteor or vaporized by raygun-wielding yetis at any point during the recent (and apparently unending) barrage of $150 million special-effects pictures being crapped out by Hollywood.

Why, we ask, isn’t our city’s most recognizable landmark good enough for Hollywood to destroy? Is it too small? Too old? Too commercial, on account of it being located next door to Joske’s? (That last one’s a joke for the old timers.)

Perhaps the Tinsel Town elite heard about how viciously those old ladies jumped on Ozzy after his ill-advised outdoor potty break and they’re now just plain scared to mess with Texas.

Whatever the case, we think it’s about time someone circulated petitions demanding that the next time Roland Emmerich, Michael Bay or any other heavyweights of vacuous big-screen mayhem orchestrate the end of the world, San Antonio’s most famous tourist trap ends up a pile of melted slag right alongside the Empire State Building, the Golden Gate Bridge and the Arc de Triomphe.

Anybody else willing to take up this cause with us? Dismember the Alamo!